Summer Vacation

While summer vacation can be relaxing times for sleeping in, eating home-cooked meals, and seeing old friends; for many students it may fall significantly short of the romanticized image. Issues that students often face can be discussed under three different headings:

Family and Home:When returning home from college, a period of readjustment is natural and expected. After a year away, you may have changed from the person your family remembers. Sometimes parents feel threatened by such changes, perhaps feeling a loss of control, fearing of your new independence, or feeling devalued in their parental role. Even the best families occasionally struggle with such tensions, which need not become insurmountable rifts. If talked about with mutual caring and respect, such tensions and changes can provide the basis for a more mature and equal relationship. In this way, your own development as a person may contribute to your parents' growth as they face the inevitable challenge of their own shifting roles.

Work: Looking for a job — whether it be for the summer or a career job following graduation — is a major rite of passage. This rite, which marks the passage into adulthood, challenges us to demonstrate who we are and what we know to the larger world. We are also challenged to maintain our self-esteem and sense of perspective in the face of evaluation and possible rejection. Although summer employment is less an indication of one's social status and success than launching one's career, it is easy to become caught up in the process finding the perfect summer job One way to avoid the roller-coaster of expectation and disappointment is to keep in mind that every loss or closed door is also an opportunity. Obstacles teach us to become more resilient, flexible, and creative — qualities whose value will last far longer than the three summer months. Even unemployment can teach us such lessons as humility and valuing the moment, instilling in us a confidence in our ability to survive our worst fears. The next time one of your hopes or expectations is dashed against reality, you might ask yourself: what opportunities does this leave open? Perhaps, you will be surprised by what you discover.

Social Life and Recreation: It seems to defy common sense to suggest that many of us struggle more with having free time on our hands than with being intensely busy. And yet, the sudden lack of structure that accompanies extended vacations poses a real challenge for many people. Some students even experience depression, as personal issues that were submerged under the demands of school and work suddenly rise to the surface. Since most of us were raised in a system that tends to organize our time for us, many of us have not learned to structure our free time in ways that are personally gratifying. Leaving new friends behind and discovering that old friends have moved or changed, can also leave us facing a social vacuum. Again, while this loss may be frustrating and painful; it also presents opportunities, such as discovering new interests, stretching our social horizons, or letting ourselves explore the places and pursuits that live only in our fantasy life. And if you feel stuck, remember: who is holding you back, if not yourself?

A final note.If family problems or personal struggles become too much, there are likely some resources nearby to help you. Crisis lines, job boards, recreation programs, and counseling agencies exist in many communities. If you are looking for a professional therapist, you might start by calling the county mental health agency, crisis line, or local college counseling center for a referral.

Written by: Mark Evans, Ph.D., Staff Psychologist, University of Oregon Counseling Center